The Wickedy Wack

Where Have I Been?

2008-07-23T16:46:00.005-06:00

sleeping...
playing...
balding...
mocking...
goofing...
celebrating...

strategizing...
fighting...

Living life.

...and apparently wearing the same shirt the whole time.

Huh!

2008-07-22T11:31:00.001-06:00

???????????????

"Name That Dead Thing" Givaway!!

2008-05-05T12:59:00.006-06:00

Aparently Mamaholstein gave her gift away to linds from the Daily Knack. So email me what you want as your prize Linds... jrock@live.com

Here is the proof - Mamaholstein is crazy I guess!

Hey Jason,

Woo Hoo!!! I won!! My son is into all kinds of animals so that is how I got the pronghorn. My son rocks!!!

I was just playing for fun so as far as the prize goes I think you should let Linds have pick of my winnings. I think I remember her commenting that she'd like a pair of the earrings or something like that. I don't know her or any of you so it might be weird but that's how I am. Weird. :)

Thanks for the fun!! I love your blog and Erin's too!!

Mamaholstein

Monday Mail!!

2008-05-05T08:09:00.001-06:00

SORRY I HAVE BEEN A SLACKER ON THE MONDAY MAIL!! HERE YOU GO!

OOOH!! I will never complain about my kids AGAIN!!!

I swear I saw him (or her) in the Circus when I was a kid! Spammons right, Clowns are freaking scary!

Tell me again where I sign up for this club!

I think he wants to make it look like he is a mother of 12 and 85 years old.

What amazing things they can do with plastic surgery these days, wait....here is another....

COOL! You can even get spikes. (wonder if they are drilled into his skull)

Dude! Check this out the new beer bong through the nose...Yea! THAT'S RIGHT-I AM THE MAN. READ THE STOMACH!

I wounder what it would feel like if this guy got in a water skiing accident. OUCH!

Check my lip out, Angelina Jolie eat your heart out.

I bet he has a shoe lace for every color shirt...I mean you have to match with a style like this!

Turn your flash of when you take a picture of this guy! BLING BLING!! You ain't got notin on this $50,000 mouth!!

This will definitely help my snoring problem!

I keep trying to talk Erin into this one. I thinks it would help anyone go up a notch on the sexy scale!

A drink holder. Why didn't I think of that?

DUDE! Watch me spit loogies through the hole. Just call me "Bull".

Lets hope the one on the right isn't the mentor for the one on the left!

AND THE GRAND FINALLY...

I was going to join in, but there was too many people in line and there wasn't an extra hook for me. DANG!

THE WINNER!!

2008-05-03T07:48:00.006-06:00

Congratulations to Mammaholtein in naming the most dead things. She successfully named 4 out of 6.(I don't know how you got pronghorn antelope)

Everyone go and visit and congratulate Mamaholstein!!

Final Dead Thing - Clue!!

2008-04-27T22:24:00.002-06:00

Here is a clue...

The contest will end on Weds 30th at midnight. Good Luck!

FINAL in "Name That Dead Thing"

2008-04-23T15:01:00.005-06:00

Here is the answer to #5

Its a RACOON!!

I am only listing those who have a chance, so here are the standings:

erin 6/6 - disqulified!!
spammon 3/6
mamaholstein 3/6
linds 2/6

Here is DEAD THING NUMBER 6 - be specific!!

Late...er Monday Mail

2008-04-16T21:33:00.005-06:00

I have been pretty busy at work lately with my new position and trying to MAKE the transition!!! Here is my Monday Mail.

I think my wife would want me to get one of these! I may also add that I am not admitting that I have a problem.

"Dead Thing #5"

2008-04-12T21:36:00.005-06:00

Here is Dead Thing #4:

ITS A PHEASANT!!

Here are the standings:

mamaholstein - 3/6
linds - 2/6
spammon - 2/6
kellyo75 - 1/6
denise - 1/6
bfun1 - 0/6
mom - 0/6
jen - 0/6
shauna - 0/6
ellen - 0/6
christie - 0/6

You all need to keep your eye on the PRIZE!!

Two left so her is Dead Thing #5 - Good Luck

Name That Dead Thing #4

2008-04-07T21:50:00.002-06:00

Here is the answer to Dead Thing #3

CONGRATS for those who guessed Mountain Lion or Cougar!!

Here are the Standings:

mamaholstein - 2/6
linds - 1/6
kellyo75 - 1/6
spammon - 1/6
denise - 1/6
bfun1 - 0/6
mom - 0/6
jen - 0/6
shauna - 0/6
ellen - 0/6
christie - 0/6

HERE IS DEAD THING #4

Good Luck!!

Monday Mail

2008-04-07T08:38:00.005-06:00

Master Card Wedding!!

You got to love this guy...

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of every one's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man! The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you! 'Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.

'He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells!
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends:
$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion:
$3,000.
Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui :
$8,500.
The look on every one's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man:
Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

A MasterCard Wedding
'Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow......'

Monday Mail

2008-03-31T10:00:00.002-06:00

Here is my Monday Mail. Have a great Monday!

Check out this VIDEO!

Dead Thing #3

2008-03-31T08:47:00.006-06:00

Here is the answer to #2!!

Its a bear peeing on a Fire Hydrant!!

Here are the standings :

erin - 2/6 - Disqualified
mamaholstein - 1/6
kellyo75 - 1/6
bfun1 - 0/6
linds - 0/6
spammon - 0/6
mom - 0/6
jen - 0/6
denise - 0/6
shauna - 0/6
ellen - 0/6
christie - 0/6

Here is Dead Thing #3

Second Clue on Dead Thing #2

2008-03-26T10:00:00.004-06:00

Nobody guessed right. Well, except Erin because she is freaking awesome! (and had seen all the stuff before but whatever...)

Here is another clue. See if you can guess what it is:

Good Luck!

Monday Mail!

2008-03-24T15:49:00.004-06:00

POOR CONFUSED MOOSE!!

Is this what you call STATUEtory RAPE ?? I THINK SO!!

"Name That Dead Thing" #2

2008-03-23T10:00:00.001-06:00

Nobody guessed the first one right (maybe I will have to make the next one easier!) You all need to study up on your roadkill and visit Cabella's more often. Here are the standings on the game for all who voted:

Linds : 0/6

Spammon : 0/6

Denise : 0/6

Jen : 0/6

Shauna : 0/6

Ellen : 0/6

Erin : 1/6 - Erin is disqualified only for the fact that she has been here 500 times and knows all the animals here and the kids always demand a tour because there are certain ones they always want to pet!

This is sad!

Here is the answer (be prepared to slap yourself across the face)-

IT'S A BEAVER!!!

Here is Dead Thing #2 -

"Name That Dead Thing" Clue anyone?

2008-03-18T15:29:00.004-06:00

Everyone is not even close to the correct answer so here is a clue. Remember only one guess and those who have guessed can have another chance with the second picture!

To see the rules click here!

Monday Mail

2008-03-17T00:15:00.004-06:00

This is more amazing than funny,

This is my Monday mail.

Have a good Monday!

CAN YOU: "NAME THAT DEAD THING!"

2008-03-13T10:59:00.001-06:00

Yes people! I am attempting my first giveaway here on The Wickedy Wack. There will be prizes at the end so tell your friends and family because everyone can play. Here are the rules!

1. The game will start exactly NOW!! It will continue for six weeks!

2. My boss here at work loves the art of taxidermy and has several trophies on the walls here at my place of work. It will be somewhat the same type of game Lindsey at the Daily Knack did at Christmas time and gave away that sweet scarf that now belongs to Erin. Only this time it is with dead stuff on walls. I will post a small picture of the dead thing and you have a week to guess what it is or until the next dead thing is posted. I will post the next dead item between Thurs and Sat (it will keep you guessing).

3. I will tally and keep track of all the guesses that you have right. You can only guess once so take your time -you have a week. I am going to try and make it tricky!! HA HA!

4. There will be prizes and I have gathered some sponsors who will be donating items as prizes. If you win you will be able to chose one of the following prizes.

Prize #1

This game is sponsored by none other than "Mom #1" and her company "Peacock Chic"! The top winner can choose one of the following prizes. I was going to apologise to the men for not having any manly prizes but I am not going to so gut up, if you don't have a wife or significant other then you have a mother. Everyone has someone to play for! (Peacock Chic makes all their jewelry with fine gemstones and real crystal and silver - est. retail value: $20 per pair)

Prize #2

It is also sponsored by TAGYOUAREIT on Etsy! Hand crafted by Erin and made with love. You can choose anything on the site up to $15 or Erin can customize one with the colors that you like with a matching burp rag. (again to the men "GET OVER IT"! I may do this again so if you know someone who would like to sponsor the next "Name That Dead Thing" game they are welcome to with some manly gifts. Like a rambo knife or cabellas gift card. For now we would like to thank Peacock Chic and TagYouAreIt for sponsoring this one. Thanks

Here is Dead Thing #1....GO!

Taste of Spring

2008-03-11T10:52:00.006-06:00

I know some of you might be jealous but I get a great view here in my office. I was feeling the warmth come through the other day. I love spring time and I hope it plans on staying for awhile this year. How bout them mountains?

Sometimes I feel like jumping out the window and climbing that mountain!

Monday Mail

2008-03-10T09:00:00.002-06:00

Here are the best emails that I received this week from work. I have posted two today. One is for the Women and one is for Men. I just didn't want one or the other to feel left out. These are exactly how I received them. ENJOY!

FOR THE WOMEN:

Not sure if this is true??

''THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE!"Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said: "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time. The End .

FOR THE MEN:

WHY MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS

Friendship between Women:A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at her girlfriend's house.The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Have a good Monday!

Office Lemons

2008-03-04T13:20:00.009-07:00

It would be nice if Plants where as easy to raise as Children. Don't get me wrong, children do require more attention and you have to constantly watch over them and feed them and bathe them. Mostly so you don't look so white trashy. I say this because every time Erin and I try to be a little more green(by this I mean green thumb). We always manage to murder the plants that we so carefully planted and promised to watch over. Why are they so hard to keep alive? The answer to this question remains a mystery to Jason and Erin.

Maybe we didn't pay attention when they said, "If you want to see if you are ready for kids get a pet or a plant and take care of it and if after a year or two it is still alive you are ready." So, I think we are passing at being parents of Children but not plants. I guess we just got it backwards.

I have to brag about the plant in my office. Two years ago Mom #2 brought a lemon to work to sour up something in her lunch. I decided to take all the seeds in the lemon and plant them in a pot. Everyone thought I was crazy and after several weeks I was about to believe them and give up. Almost exactly three months later we had about 5 seeds sprout up. I gave four away to others in the office and none were alive after 6 months. I guess they don't have green thumbs either. The one that I kept is about 2 years old and still kick-in it in the sun.

Nice isn't it. I am quite proud of my plant. Not because it has grown so big in two years, but only because it is still alive. Erin - I guess we are NOW ready for kids, but I think we are 3 times too late for that.

Monday Mail

2008-03-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

I could not stop laughing when I listened to this. I even chuckle when I think about it...

This is my Monday Mail - Check it out!

Monday Mail

2008-02-25T08:00:00.001-07:00

I get several Emails every week here at work and I decided to do something with them. I am starting a weekly series on "The Wickedy Wack" called MONDAY MAIL! I will take the funniest email from the previous week and post it on Monday. I warn you that some will be better then others because I get some pretty lame ones. I will also take out the distasteful ones that come to me (whether I like it or not). This one is pretty good, its called "I am my own Grandpa!" You may have to watch it twice to get it, I know I did.

Pipe Plant Explosion!

2008-02-19T09:05:00.007-07:00

We have been so busy here at work with the Exposion that I missed my scheduled pranks for Mom #1! Those who live in Utah might have heard about the pipe plant explosion in Provo already. Yes, that is us... The good news is: Everyone is OK and there is no fatalities, there is one man in the Hospital and he is in stable condition and doing great (as far as I know). Our prayers are with him. The bad news is: Our facility will be shut down for an undetermined amount of time. I am not allowed to give any information in regards to the explosion. I will post more when I am allowed. Here are some pictures to tye you over...

The explosion caused many of the side panels to blow out!

We also lost many windows as did many neighboring houses that are nearby.

Look how the wall has been pushed out on this room!

I think you can all agree that we have much work to do so we can be back in operation.

The Name Game

2008-01-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

This was a game from Spammon at the Daily Rebuttal. I used Ask.com to search for the first image that matches my name.

I have always gone by Jason and it is actually my middle name and my first name is Ralph so I did both.

Jason: Everyone should have guessed this one and I couldn't be more proud to be compared to a psychopathic killer. Love it!!

Ralph: Need I say more....

If you're not a genius...

2008-01-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

...you may not understand this blog. According to this website, I write to a genius audience.

Take that Shauna! HA! (It has to be a default on the website...but it is still something to brag about.)

"I can't lift this box!"

2008-01-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

Mom #1 really did it this time. This story is too funny not to tell.

I went into their office to ask about some packages they where putting together to be mailed out the next day. When I entered their office to my amazement they where both absent from their desks. Across the hall I began to hear Mom #2 laughing hysterically and yelling "Jason come in here, you have to see this..." over and over again. I went into the mail room and tried to ask a question when Mom #2 interrupted me and said, "Look under this box, you have to see this...."

I asked myself. What is so funny about a box sitting on the table. Mom #1 said, "Look under the box, look, look!" I could hardly understand what she was saying because of the constant gasping for air from the laughter. As I leaned over and looked under the box I almost fell to the floor from what I just saw. Mom #2 was now laughing and said "I couldn't figure out why I could not lift the box!" We where all laughing and she would not let me take a picture for the blog so I hope you can use your imagination....

SHE TAPED THE BOX TO THE CORNER OF THE DESK AND THEY BOTH COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY NEITHER OF THEM COULD LIFT THE BOX!! I think we all need a little professional help here at the d@#! pipe plant.

Crack in the Cupola

2008-01-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Cupola - Cu.po.la \'kyu-qe-le, -,lo\ n [It, fr. L cupula, dim. of cupa tub] a vertical cylindrical furnace for melting iron in the foundry that has tuyeres and tapping spouts near the bottom.

We had a mini shut down here at the foundry because the cupola had a crack in it. So as you can see in the following pictures we had molten iron pooring onto the floor (don't worry nobody was injured from this.) I thought you might like the pictures.

SMORES ANYONE?

Upcoming Events

2008-01-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

I noticed in the office today that Mom #1 has posted her first 5 of 20 days on the vacation calendar for 2008. I have much time to prepare so maybe I can get some help from you all (email suggestions to jrock@live.com) who have experience in the area of office pranks.

Take note on the days that she has posted on the calendar. February 18th - February 22nd are the days and I have about a month and a half to get everything ready for action. Wish me luck!

Coming up:
Mom #1 : Feb. 18th - Feb. 22nd
Mom #2 : April 7th - April 9th

Foam or Tampons? BOTH!!

2008-01-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

From the title you might think this is a porn blog. Be assured that it is not, but the two mothers here at work have been very busy when I was away on vacation. The title however, is for the very well thought of prank's they had awaiting my return. I had four days of vacation, so they had a practical joke for each day that I was away. You must be wondering what they did because that title is still running through your head.....

Exhibit A (for vacation day #1 - 12/26)

They thought this would be good as a new feature on my desktop replacing the picture of the kids! Now I think you would agree with me in saying - - "NASTY!"

Exhibit B (for vacation day #2 - 12/27)

We have an intern coming to train with the Sales Department here and they thought to leave this note on my desk signed by my boss(who was also in on it)...

NOTE: A-Sales Intern B-Big Boss

...I wasn't laughing. Then to leave this pile of crap in its place...

...I still wasn't laughing. If you knew one thing about me, it is that I love the swivel office chair...

...and there it was being held hostage in a storage room.(The moms had me good on this one and they finally told me the truth when I was demanding an order be made up for a new chair)

Exhibit C (for vacation day #3 - 12/28)

This day should not even be considered because the Moms will not admit to me, but I know they only worked half the day. They still didn't let it slide so they decided to put this in all my desk drawers....

...It was not fun taking them all out. I think you all know what I mean. Those damn foam peanuts.

Exhibit D (for vacation day #4 - 12/31)

I think they ran out of good ideas on this one...

Did you see it, try and look closer...
For the men who even need a closer look...

...the dispatcher here at work heard about this one and could not stop laughing. Of course I did not see this one coming, someone had to ask about why I had this in my pen holder. Ha Ha!!

Now that you see what I am up against here, maybe you will dig into your bag of ideas and send me good pranks when they(the moms) leave on vacation. I think they are afraid to request days off because they know I am watching that calender like a hawk.

Dream Store

2007-12-26T19:05:00.000-07:00

I would imagine that the two back at the office are planning much to laugh about upon my return. I will fill you all in when I get back to the pit (what I call my office most of the time.)

Mom #1 & Mom #2 - There will be paybacks....Oh yes! There will be paybacks. So BEWARE!!

Our trip up here was not as bad as I thought. I am sure Erin will let you know as well.

Eli has been having bad dreams more often then normal and on the way up to Washington for the holidays he mentioned that he wanted to go to the Dream Store. He said, "Dad, when I am all grown up I am going to the Dream Store. They have something you can buy that will make all your bad dreams go away and all you have is good dreams all the time. That would be cool huh?" Apparently we on planet earth have a store for anything. I wouldn't mind going the dream store myself. I asked him if he could take me to the Dream Store someday...!

Have a great Holiday season to you all.

Holy Mother Trucker

2007-12-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is for all you with "Little Boys" at home. You might want to let them see this!

When the Pipe Plant purchased a new Locomotive they donated the old one to a Company who could restore it and use if for train rides. The company is called "The Heber Creeper" (they do train tours up and down the canyon from Provo to Heber Utah. While watching them move the train car I realized that this is by far the biggest truck I have ever seen in my life. Imagine a full size Locomotive or think of this next time you see one, and you will have a better idea about how big this really is. It took them two days just to hook it up. It is pushed by a Semi and pulled by another Semi. They blocked off all access both ways up Provo canyon to Heber for about 10 hours. They only drive approx. 6 miles per hour. CRAZY HUH!!

2008 office pranks

2007-12-19T15:58:00.000-07:00

Every time Mom #1 takes a vacation day or fakes being sick and stays home from work I always play a little prank on her, not to worry she always gets me back on the return of a day that I have taken off. I'm sure on the way back from our Christmas Vacation I will have many surprises for me. I think this all started because we hate doing each others job when one of us is absent from work.

So for 2008 I am calling out to anyone with good ideas on what to do with the 20 vacation days that Mom #1 has built up from her many years here at the Pipe Plant. I will blog and record every one of them with pictures so that we can all share the excitement. So be creative and help me out! You may want to email me the "prank ideas" because Mom #1 has access to the blog and will be reading regularly to try and sabotage me.

The good news is, their is a calendar up on "little bosses wall" (this is the nickname that we will give the office manager, or in other words my direct supervisor so I am not giving out any identity that might get me in trouble) so we can mark the days we want off, because any two of us in sales cannot have the same time off. I should know way in advance when the first pranks will be coming up. The bad news is, the sick days are tricky and very unexpected so some ideas for stuff that is readily available for a good prank on the fly will be good. The sick days are like a bonus prank and will not be included in the 20 for the year. They will definitely be recorded though.....He...he.....Ha....ha!!!

She does not have any vacation coming up in January so lets start thinking of some good ones while we have some time. I will probably plan and execute the first one because I have had it in the works for some time now. I would appreciate any suggestions because after 5 years you start to run out of ideas.

The "Hell Ride" home

2007-12-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

I am trying to prepare my mind for the trip back to the homeland (Clarkston, WA - my glorious hometown) for Christmas with the parents. I think Erin and I will check ourselves in to the psych ward when we get back. So I have developed a plan for preparing my mind with the craziness that awaits. Maybe if I stick to this plan I will be ready for what awaits and I can avoid the "check in" at the crazy house when we return....

Mind Preparation Phase 1 - The packing of the crap in our transportation vehicle!

Keep in mind-all the Christmas stuff that you buy for kids under the age of 5 is ginormous. My mind is sort of at ease, because I am at the office so much this week and working nights at a restaurant to pay for this fun trip. So the load piles on top of my beautiful, humble, and yes...very attractive wife. (There was absolutely no sarcasm in my typing at all) I will however try and fit it all in the vehicle later. That alone could almost be a phase by itself.

Mind Preparation Phase 2 - The 12 hour drive up with three kids under the age of 5. Then, while at our destination comes the tricky part. Trying to have a good time without thinking of the drive back......YIKES! I still have not figured out how to not think of the hell ride home when on a vacation.

Mind Preparation Phase 3 - Who am I kidding - we are still going to the "Loony Bin"!

Working with Mom

2007-12-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

I work at a company with two wonderful ladies who are both old enough to be my mom. I am not afraid to say this, because they constantly remind me on a weekly basis. Their always firing from there arsenal of witty motherly comments. For example - When the time arrives in the day to use the throne I must pass their office on the way. Suddenly I cringe when I hear "Where are you going?" of course in the loud obnoxious motherly tone we all know. So hear is the rest of the dialogue....(Imagine the "obnoxious motherly tone")

ME- "Don't worry about it!"

Mom #1- "What If I need you, or what if someone calls?"

Mom #2- "You still haven't told us where you are going!"

ME- "Can't both you moms just worry about yourselves?!"

Mom #2- "Helloooo, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

ME- I always continue to talk to them while walking down the hall. "I'll be back in a minute or two!"

These conversations can last for longer than you think....you would be surprised, but you don't want to even imagine it.

Don't get me wrong, they are great ladies and I love to work with both of them. I think Erin can be even more assured that I will not get into any trouble here at work with them both nagging at me. I swear they hid some kind of GPS device on my while taking an afternoon nap. Somehow they always know where I am........SCARY!!!